I don’t want to forget

One month ago today I was holding you in my arms for the very first time, sweet baby.  This month has gone by so quickly, and I fear this is how the rest of life will be.  I am so excited to watch you grow and see who you will become but I want time to stand still when you fall asleep on my chest, when you grasp your tiny fingers around mine,  or when you snuggle up close so that your head is right under my chin.

When you smile Ezra, it is heartbreaking.  It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.  I didn’t know that loving you would be so bittersweet.  I’m so afraid that I’m not going to remember these fleeting moments, and so I’m trying my best to soak it all in.  Some nights it’s hard for me to go to sleep because I just want to watch you rest, to study the perfection laying right next to me.

I want to remember how tiny you are.  How your spine is the length of my hand, your foot is length of my finger, how you fold your legs up underneath you and sit in a ball on my chest.   I want to remember the tiny wisps of blond hair that stand up at all angles, the sweet smell of the top of your head, and the way that just this week you actually look back at your Poppa and me, eyes following us around the room.

I feel so incredibly blessed to be your Momma.

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