Reflections

Dear sweet baby,

You are going to learn some things quickly about your mother—or actually I hope you don’t. I hope you don’t learn how lazy I am, and how I have big plans but don’t see them through. I hope that you don’t know that I’m a procrastinator, and that I get so overwhelmed with little things I can’t concentrate on the big ones. I hope you don’t know this because then that means I’m doing a good job. I hope you learn that I’m always attentive to you; that you are my first priority always; that I will drop anything I’m doing to rush to your side; and that you are my biggest plan ever and I’m going to see you through.

You see I had big plans for this blog wee one, plans to make it amazing, and funny, and brilliant so that other people would want to read it. But somewhere along the way I got lost. Because it really should have been about you all along, Just writing to you, my little carry-on, so that someday you could read it, and see how excited I was to meet you. I think I’ve been doing that this entire pregnancy, wee one, looking at the too big, massive picture so that I can’t enjoy the little things about growing a person. Like how I feel you rolling in my stomach, or how you communicate with me if I’m laying on the wrong side and you’re not comfortable, or how it’s okay for me to eat a spoonful of ice cream everyday for the “heartburn.” These are the things I should focus on, but instead I get stuck on the end goal: carrying you to term and bringing you home with me and your Papa. Of course, this is the ultimate goal (and one I’m so fearful of not meeting), but that shouldn’t keep me from stopping every now and then to reflect on this journey that we’re on, or to marvel at the miracle that is you.

I promise to try and be better tomorrow.

Love, Mama

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