I’m not sure if you’re real in there Wee One, I’m not sure if you really exist. Today I did a little chemistry experiment (your Papa would be so proud) in our bathroom and the result: inconclusive. There’s a line, but it is FAINT, as in the opposite of how I typed that word. I just keep staring at it, and carrying the test around with me from room to room, as if, if you’re real, that I’m not already carrying you from room to room with me.
It’s so strange Wee One, if you’re in there. You are changing me already. Changing my body, changing my hormones, changing my behaviors. I poured a Coke out today (thanks because I didn’t need it anyway). Then–and later you will understand how big this is–I didn’t eat any of the cookie dough when I was baking cookies. I did eat one cookie though. I’m not perfect, which you’ll learn soon enough.
I did the chemistry experiment today because it’s a special day Wee One, it’s St. Patrick’s Day. And I’ll be honest I wanted that to be part of your story if you’re really there. That Mama found out about you on the luckiest of days. But I know it’s not luck, it’s a gift. You are a gift to me and your Papa, given to us from above.
Like I said, I don’t know if you’re in there, but if you are: Hello. Hello sweet bundle of cells that we have wished for, prayed for, tried for, cried for. Hello, I am your Mama and I cannot wait to meet you.